The Personal Essay

Rubric: The Personal Essay (40 points)
____ The essay reveals something about the writer’s identity. (5 pts)
____ There is enough at stake to answer “so what” about the essay. (5 pts)
____ There are enough vivid details to engage the reader. (5 pts)
____ There is an event or a significant aspect of identity engaged with in the essay. (5)
____ The writing communicates clearly and readers are able to understand it. (5 pts)
____ Grammar, spelling, and word choice are appropriate for college level. (5 pts)
____ Revision is evident across drafts. (5 pts)
____ Adequate, prescriptive feedback is given in workshop. (5 pts)

Why I Fell In Love In New York Professional Custom Writing Services from the Experts!
When I was a little girl, I used to be very quiet and afraid of being apart from my parents. My mom was a very outgoing person and loved to travel. Thanks to my mom, I was able to travel outside my country and experience other cultures since I was young, and I got to be adventurous.
Two of the best places that I traveled were The Philippines and San Francisco. When I traveled to Manila, Philippines for a family trip, I fell in love with the weather there. Even though it is very hot, the sweet fruits and friendly people were intriguing to me. I came back home, I was longing for another taste of The Philippines and told my parents to send me back to Manila. My parents were concerned about letting a 9 year-old kid to leave home. But they supported me and gave me an opportunity to learn a new culture, so I stayed there for another year. I was a brave young girl, but my parents were braver. When I was 11 years old, I moved to San Francisco without my parents and resided for few months. And in the same way I fell for Manila, I began falling for San Francisco. San Francisco made a good impression of The United States, which led me to come back again to visit New York.
New York was very shocking to me when I first arrived. There is no better word than wonderful to describe New York. This place was the only place that I thought that I must live here and study here, not just staying for a while. My memories in New York were unforgettable and encouraged me to persuade my parents support me to study abroad in New York. My parents admitted my passion and they trusted me and now. I’m currently an international student in Baruch. How adventurous I am.
Living in New York is everybody’s dream and it became my dream as well. There are reasons why I fell in love with the city. Shopping on Fifth Avenue was my dream. ‘Devils wear Prada’ was one of my favorite movies and the setting of New York was just a background for me. But when I went to the stores on Fifth Avenue, it was a different kind of happiness that I felt. And the night view of Manhattan is the best. I love the Manhattan view from either Long Island City or Weehawken than the night view from Empire State building. Also, night view of Brooklyn Bridge from Dumbo is amazing. Those are the three places that I go when I feel depressed. Whenever I feel lonely, I go to see the perfect night view and think about how much I wanted to come here. Then I feel a lot better. Another best part of New York is that there is a Koreatown in Manhattan, New Jersey, and Flushing. The most tough moment when you live outside of your country is when you miss the food from home. But in New York, I could eat whatever I wanted to eat in K-town. I sometimes miss home but never missed food from home until now.
I love traveling around the world and for me, New York is the very best place so chose to live here. Even though I live here, I believe that I am a traveler in New York. So, whenever I am free, I try to go to new place in the city and experience something that is totally new to me. I am not sure how long I will be able to live here but I want to make sure that I get to know about New York very well. This city was precious city that I felt passion about. I will not miss this great opportunity to explore New York.

____ There are enough vivid details to engage the reader. (5 pts)
____ There is an event or a significant aspect of identity engaged with in the essay. (5)

I hope these two parts to be improved the most!!

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